Posted by By Oretta Croushore, Property Manager for Home Rental Services
The holidays are upon us. I’ve felt pretty unprepared this year. (Please do not ask me if I am ready.) Holiday stress and anxiety are very real. I think each of us have different reasons for feeling the pressure. Maybe you want to make everything magical and perfect for your kids. Perhaps you struggle with getting the perfect gift. You might even be a person who gets sweaty pits when someone asks you what you want.
For some people, it’s the extra hustle and bustle that makes their anxiety rise. It’s important to remember that The Grinch didn’t hate Christmas. It was the noise he had issue with. I, personally think The Grinch really just wanted to put his feet up, sip on some cocoa, and watch true crime docs to relax but always felt like there was something else he should be doing. Perhaps, I am projecting. I do look great in green and have a dog who looks a little like Max.
Whatever the cause of you holiday stress, having some good coping skills in your arsenal will help you through.
Be picky about what you commit to.
You probably can’t accept every single invite you get. Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should. Remember, it’s better to go to fewer events and enjoy them fully than to go through the motions.
Set your bar lower.
Don’t strive for perfection but instead for good enough. That doesn’t mean everyone gets a fruitcake. If your kids ask for money, it’s ok to give them what they ask for. My mom always asks for several different types of gift cards. (It feels like I’m cheating when we get her those but she’s thrilled.)
Do your best to set a budget and stick to it.
Setting a budget can be hard. If you can do it, you are doing better than I am. Under no circumstances should you put yourself into a position of financial burden for the holidays. I promise no one on your list wants that!
Organize like Santa.
He makes a list and checks it twice. (I am guessing it’s more than twice.) I know my lists usually need to be consulted several times because I forget what’s on them. I guess that’s why we make the list!
Take care of yourself.
Self care is not selfish! Read that again. You have to have sleep, eat food, get some down time, drink water… all the things. Peace on earth starts in your own space. Give yourself peace so you can find the joy.
Carve out time to do the things that are important to you.
This can be watching your favorite holiday movie (or favorite non-holiday movie), spending some time on your hobbies, listening to music you love, reading or playing games. These are things you can do solo or with a group. Small group activities can be just what the soul needs!
For some people, family gatherings are a major source of stress and anxiety. Even if you adore every member of your family, putting them all into a small space can turn anyone into a cranky Grinch. Being the host of the holiday can be fun. It can also turn your little molehill of anxiety into a full mountain of a panic attack.
Here’s some tips to help you get through no matter if you are the host or a guest.
When You are the Host
Write out your menu way ahead of time and create your grocery list around that.
If there are non-perishable items you can purchase in advance, doing so can help lighten the financial burden when it comes to the actual event.
Take the help that is offered.
The answer to “What can I bring?” or “What can I do to help?” should NEVER be nothing. Most people don’t expect to show up empty handed. Traditionally, the host supplies the main course and lets the other guests bring the sides and the desserts. Remember, there are no rules. Nothing says you have to do a full dinner with all the trimmings just because you’ve always done that. A pasta bar or a baked potato bar can be super fun!
Do as much prep work ahead of time as you can.
Cut the onions, shake the cranberry sauce out of the can, prepare your pie crust and freeze it ahead. This also goes for anyone bringing a dish to the party.
Figure out where the extra seating is and put the leaf in the table ahead of time.
That extra space in the table could be useful when you are prepping and it takes something off your list.
If you have a quiet space you can set up, think about doing that.
Let your guests know the room is there for anyone who needs a minute. It can be a great place to go with an overstimulated baby or toddler (or teenager). It can also be a nice break for older guests. Aunt Edna loves to watch all the littles run around like monkeys at the zoo, but sometimes she needs a break.
When You are a Guest
Try to keep yourself from dreading the event.
Instead, get yourself to feel excited about it. After all, this time is supposed to be about gathering and fellowship. Be a jolly good fellow if you can. Your attitude can be infectious.
Be on time.
Every family has that one group that is always late. If you don’t know who it is in your group, it might be you. Life happens and it can be hectic, but do your best to be respectful.
Be patient with the kids of all ages.
I have an anxiety kid, so I know how overstimulation can affect her. Through the years, I had to learn that what looks like an anger shutdown from her is actually her needing some quiet time. Let them take some headphones and a tablet/phone for those moments when they need to decompress. Maybe discuss before the event a code that you all will have if they need to slip into that quiet place. Ask them to set a timer and re-asses if they are ready to rejoin after that timer goes off. You want them to interact with the family and to be respectful, but you don’t want them so overstimulated they break down.
Make a point to try to include older guests.
Many times, the extra noise and activity makes it difficult for older guests to follow all the conversations that are going on. I hate it when it seems like great grandma Ethel is just part of the decoration. Let them hold the babies, encourage the toddlers to show off their toys, and include them in games.
Ask what you can bring and/or what you can do to help.
Give options. “I was thinking about making Aunt Sally’s potatoes that everyone likes. Does that work with your menu? I could also make a dessert if that works better?” “I have a day off the week of the event and thought I could come over and help you do some cleaning, prepping, etc. so you aren’t doing it all.”
Many of us are so programmed to decline help, even if we really need it. It’s silly. When someone gives me an idea of what they can do or suggests something I might not have thought of needing, it takes a lot of the pressure off me.
Come prepared with an activity or game the whole family can participate in.
This can be something as simple as silly interview questions. At Thanksgiving, my daughter asked us who our favorite Muppet is. Questions like this will often spark conversation but don’t usually lead to ugly fights. You might even get the introverts to join in. The internet is full of ideas for games at gatherings. From simple games that require no prep, all the way to something like Minute to Win It events. Some coloring pages for the kids (big and small) can be fun. If you want to be the hero, tell the host ahead of time what you have planned for everyone to do.
However you spend your holidays, and whichever ones you celebrate, I hope they are happy and healthy. Remember to have as much fun as you can. Be present for the moments because they are fleeting. Laugh as much as you can, it’s good for you. Open your heart to accept the love that is around you. Give compliments, give hugs, give thanks. Most of all, give yourself a break.
Now, get some delicious cocoa, slip into the comfy clothes, and do something for yourself!
Happiest of Holidays!
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